Know Your Greek History
by FallingofStars
Summary: Know Your Greek History, the modern musical narrated by Jason and the Argonauts explains how the Greek Myths happened. In a modern and totally inaccurate way that just somehow all happens in high school. (Doesn't relate to Percy Jackson but just a funny idea my friend and I made up. If no one reads or comments I'll delete.)
1. Chapter 1: SCENE 1

**SCENE 1:**

 **Act 1**

(OPEN TO Olympus High School, JASON and the ARGONAUTS.)

JASON: Who put the "GLAD" in "GLADIATOR?"

ALL: HER-CU-LEEEES!

JASON: Oh, hi… Didn't see you there. My name's Jason. Jason Sandals.

ARGONAUTS: Woohoo! Yeah! (etc)

JASON: Oh, stop it. (blushes) And this is my wonderful musical theatre group, the Argonauts.

ARGONAUTS: Heyyyyy…

JASON: We're here to tell you the story of all the young gods and goddesses here at Olympus High. First, we have my main homie, Zeus. Oh, and his girlfriend, Hera. Cue the dramatic music!

ARGONAUTS: Hum…..

(CUT TO **HISTORY** , where ZEUS is CROSSING HIS FINGERS to be partners with HERA)

RHEA: *Pulls a name out of a hat* and Zeus will be working with… Hera.

ZEUS: HALLELUJAH! Er… I mean…

HERA: (Whispering to Aphrodite) He's kind of cute, I guess.

APHRODITE: Ew... heck no girl. What are you thinking? He has a beard.

HERA: Hey… Don't judge me!

(ZEUS STROLLS UP TO HERA AND TRIPS OVER HER SATCHEL, GRABBING APHRODITE'S DRESS TO KEEP FROM FALLING)

ZEUS: Ouch! Um… 'Sup, Hera.

APHRODITE: Keep your hands to your own toga!

HERA: *Giggles*

(APHRODITE ROLLS HER EYES AND PUSHES UP OUT OF HER CHAIR)

Aphrodite: Three words for you: Get. A. Room.

(APHRODITE WALKS AWAY)

ZEUS: Ugh, I hate her. Er… Unless you like her. Then yeah, she's the best. *Laughing nervously*

HERA: Ummm… okay then.

ZEUS: So, Hera. I was wondering… Would you maybe want to go on a...

APOLLO: Zeus and Hera sitting in a tree… K-I-S-S-

HERA AND ZEUS: Shut up, Apollo!

ARGONAUTS: Yeah, dude. Oh my gods!

ARTEMIS: *SLAPS APOLLO ON THE ARM* Be mature, idiot.

APOLLO: OW! That hurts, Art!

ARTEMIS: *Grabbing him by the arm* C'mon, the bell is going to ring soon. Let's go.

(ARTEMIS PULLING APOLLO WHILE HE'S YELPING IN PAIN)

ZEUS: Anyway…

HERA: YES!

ZEUS: (blinks slowly then smiles) Okay then!

 **SCENE 1**

 **Act 2**

JASON: And that's how Zeus and Hera fell in love.

ARGONAUTS: Awww…..

JASON: Now, let me show you my girl, Artemis.

ARTEMIS: (from offscreen) I'm not your "girl", Jason!

JASON: Sorry! (whispers) she's just jealous. I mean, I AM dating Media, but…

ARGONAUTS: Player!

JASON: HEY! Anyways…

ARGONAUTS: La la la la la… Ahhh!

(Cut to ORION'S COFFEE SHOP, where APHRODITE is pushing ARTEMIS through the door)

APHRODITE: C'mon, Art! The nectar here is amaaaazing! Plus, drinking here will make you SO POPULAR.

ARGONAUTS: Popular! You're gonna be pop-uu-lar!

ARTEMIS: No Aprodite. I don't want to end up like you. No offence.

 **(Haha Wicked)**

APHRODITE: *rolls her eyes* You know when someone says 'no offence', It just makes the comment offensive.

ARTEMIS: Do I care?

(APHRODITE DRAGS ART UP TO COUNTER)

APHRODITE: One nectar, half-whole milk, one quarter 1%, one quarter non-fat, extra hot, split quad shots-1 1/2 shots decaf, 2 1/2 shots regular-no foam nectar, with whip, 2 packets of splenda, 1 sugar in the raw, a touch of vanilla syrup and 3 short sprinkles of cinnamon. Oh, and an Ambrosia bar. And what about you Art?

ARTEMIS: Er… I'll just have a small nectar please. Hey, do I know you?

(MAN AT THE COUNTER LOOKS UP)

ORION: Yeah, you're Artemis, right? I think I've been in your class for the past seven years or something.

ARTEMIS: Yeah… haha. TOTALLY remember that. Yep. 100%.

ORION: (smiling) You don't, do you? That's okay.

ARTEMIS: (Giggles, then covers her mouth in alarm)

APHRODITE: (whispering) OMG OMG OMG YOU LIKE HIM!

ARTEMIS: Ew. No. Ew. Ew.

ORION: Thanks for the compliment…

ARTEMIS: No, I didn't mean it like that… I just meant…

ARGONAUTS: No chance. No way. She won't say it! No, no!

APHRODITE: Enough with the Hercules references!

ARTEMIS: Yeah, guys. It's not funny anymore. To be honest, it never was.

JASON: What are you talking about? It's HILARIOUS!

APHRODITE: No. It really isn't.

(JASON and the ARGONAUTS leave the stage grumbling about Disney)

ORION: So, what were you saying? Before all of this "Hercules the Musical" crap happened?

ARTEMIS: (Laughs again) I mean… Ugh! What is wrong with me?

ORION: Wanna go hunting?

ARTEMIS: Hunting?

ORION: Well, there is about twelve trophies that you won from archery, hanging on the wall in the activities building. I was wondering if you hunt. Cause hunting is pretty coool and you know I just kinda noticed and stuff...

ARTEMIS: You're babbling now. (giggling)

ORION: Sorry. But umm… are you free on Saturday?

ARTEMIS: Yep!

ORION: Great!

(BOTH CHARACTERS LAUGH NERVOUSLY)

APHRODITE: But… But… I thought we were going to ForverYouthful together on Saturday.

ARTEMIS: (Looking at Orion dreamily) Yeah... about that.

APHRODITE: UGH! (Storms out of ORION'S)

JASON: (Clapping loudly and singled out) That was great. Amazing!

ALL CHARACTERS STOP AND LOOK AT HIM

JASON: Er- moving on. Now, here's a tale of HADES, PERSEPHONE, and THE JEALOUS GODDESS.

* * *

So this was written by my friend and I as a joke. This actually doesn't involve Percy Jackson but it's an alternate universe of the Greek myths and maybe some other random stuff and I posted this for fun so whatever. if no one read it I'll delete it.


	2. Chapter 2: SCENE 2

**SCENE 2**

 **ACT 2**

(Open to LUNCH, HADES and ORPHEUS sitting together)

HADES: (Whispering to ORPH) She's so… perfect.

ORPHEUS: Um… sure. Not really my type, though.

HADES: Well duh.. your dating Eurydice. Persephone is just…..

ORPH: Amazing? Gorgeous? Hilarious? And EVERYTHING ELSE YOU'VE SAID ABOUT HER EVERY SECOND FOR THE LAST CENTURY?

HADES: Yeah… (head in the clouds)

ORPH: (ORPH roles his eyes) Alright, lover boy. Just try not to look like a complete idiot when you ask her out. And _don't_ do it in front of Demeter.

HADES: Why not? She's my best friend. I'm sure she'll be fine with it.

JASON & ARGONAUTS: FORESHADOWING!

ORPH: Dude. She likes you HECKA BADLY.

HADES: (awe struck) Oh. My. Gods. You know, now that I think about it, she totally does!

(DEMETER WALKS IN AND PLOPS NEXT TO HADES)

DEMETER: Heyyyy…

(HADES LAUGHS NERVOUSLY, ORPHEUS SLAPS HIM ON THE ARM WHILE SMILING AWKWARDLY)

HADES: OUCH! I mean, hi there…

DEMETER: Um… are you okay? You seem a little…

ORPH: Awkward? Strange? Annoying? Ugly?

(HADES pinches ORPHEUS, who lets out a yelp)

HADES: I am NOT strange, annoying, OR ugly.

DEMETER: *LAUGHS* (grumbling) definitely not ugly.

HADES and ORPHEUS: What?

DEMETER: Nothing, nothing.

(PERSEPHONE passing by the table and stops to talk)

PERSEPHONE: Hey guys! What's up?

HADES: Hey Persephone!

DEMETER: Be right back. I have to go to the restroom.

ORPHEUS: I'm going to… um… practice the lyre. For Eurydice. Oh, GORGEOUS TAPESTRYYYY?

(DEMETER and ORPHEUS leave the table)

HADES: I guess it's just us then.

PERSEPHONE: Yup. (Popping the 'p')

(AWKWARD SILENCE)

HADES: So umm… I have a question for you.

PERSEPHONE: Fire away.

HADES: WouldyougooutwithmetothisItalianresturantthatIheardwassupposedtobegoodsoIthoughtyoumightliketogowithme?

PERSEPHONE: Umm...Huh?

HADES: Would you go out with me to this italian restraunt? I mean, I heard it was good so I thought you might like to go try it...

PERSEPHONE: Of course!

HADES: Great! I gotta go tell this to Posiedon and Zeus! (HADES cheeres and hugs Persephone)

(HADES leaves)

DEMETER: Hey, I'm back. Where did Orph and Hades go?

PERSEPHONE: Orph went of to find his girlfriend. But sis, you can't BELIEVE what just happened!

DEMETER: WHAT? Did Hercules hike up another moutain to defeat another deadly monster?

ARGONAUTS: You could even say he… WENT THE DISTANCE!

DEMETER: (looks at Jason who shrugs) Did the TROJANS-

ARGONAUTS: BOO!

DEMETER: (glaring at them) steal something again?

PERSEPHONE: Better. Hades asked me out!

DEMETER: … what?

PERSEPHONE: (adlib here. Talk about how AMAZING Hades is, etc)

DEMETER: (standing, looking hurt) I… have to go.

PERSEPHONE: And he's so- wait, what? Dee? DEE! Wait up!

(running after her)

 **SCENE 2**

 **ACT 2**

(HADES blabbing about PERSEPHONE to POSEIDON)

POSEIDON: Oh my gods. Will you SHUT UP already?

HADES: Sorry man. I'm just happy.

ZEUS: Yeah, we can see that.

POSEIDON: Listen hun… we're happy for you.

ZEUS: Now go TALK TO HER.

HADES: Bye!

(HADES LEAVES)

POSEIDON: You're funny, Z. We all know you couldn't muster up the courage to ask someone out in 1,000 years!

(ZEUS GLARES AT HIS BROTHER)

ZEUS: I'm serious bro! I asked Hera out in history!

(POSEIDON shakes his head)

POSEIDON: I'll believe you when I ask her.

(ZEUS punches POSEIDON in the shoulder and walks away grumbling.)

 **SCENE 2**

 **ACT 3**

HADES walks back to table, where DEMETER is sitting and CRYING.

HADES: Hey D! What's wrong?

(DEMETER looks up at HADES, eyes full of SADNESS and HATE. HADES forgets that DEMETER likes him.)

HADES: Well, I hope you feel better. By the way, did you hear? I ASKED PERSEPHONE OUT! AND SHE SAID YES!

DEMETER: (wipes her eyes) That's- that's g-great, HADES… I have to go.

DEMETER STALKS AWAY

HADES: See you in Tapestry Weaving, then… *grumbles* godesses are weird.

SCENE 2

ACT 4

(CUT TO DEMETER, talking to HESTIA and APHRODITE after school while having a sleepover.)

DEMETER: ... and he had NO CLUE! I can't believe he's actually dating that… that gorgon-headed spawn of CRONOS!

APHRODITE: I KNOW, RIGHT? Preach it, girlfriend!

HESTIA: You really shouldn't talk about your sister like that.

APHRODITE AND DEMETER: Shut up, Hestia! Nobody likes you.

APHRODITE: I've been having, like, the WORSTEST week, too. I mean, like, I took sad, little Artemis to get a coffee, right? I thought of it as… well, charity work. Maybe I could transform her, you know? She has potential.

BOTH GIRLS NOD

APHRODITE: And then you know what happened? She went all googly-eyed for Orion and ditched me! She cancelled our girls-day! I was starting to like her, then BOOM!

HESTIA: Heh.

DEMETER: Be quiet or LEAVE!

HESTIA: Sorry…

APHRODITE: Anyway…

DEMETER: I HAVE AN IDEA!

APHRODITE: Spill, girly!

(EVERYONE SQUEALS)

DEMETER: Let's make Perseph's life MISERABLE by pranking her!

APHRODITE: Um, YES!

HESTIA: It'll be easy, 'cus she literally lives in the room next to you.

(GIRLS GLARE AT HESTIA, WHO SWALLOWS HER GUM)

HESTIA: Sorry.

JASON: Excuse me, ladies. But you shouldn't do that.

APHRODITE: And why not, exactly?

JASON: Isn't it obvious?

ARGONAUTS: You tell 'em, Jas! (pronounced Jay-ssss, nickname for Jason)

JASON: Thanks, guys. But anyway- She's dating HADES. The god of DEATH. Well- more like the TEENAGER of death. But whatever. She can unleash the full power of Hades upon you.

HESTIA: Whatever. He probably can't even rip a piece of paper.

ALL CHARACTERS ON SCENE: SHUT UP, HESTIA!

APHRODITE: Never mind Hades. He probably can't even rip a piece of paper.

HESTIA: I just said that!

ARGONAUTS: Memo to Jason: maim Hestia after this meeting.

HESTIA: That doesn't even make sense!

JASON: Gods, Hestia. It's a Hercules reference. DUH!

ARGONAUTS: DUH!

APHRODITE: You're killing me, guys.

JASON: Hades actually WILL kill you if you prank his girlfriend...

APHRODITE: (Ignoring Jason) Lets just ruin Persephone's immortal life and get it over with.

DEMETER: For NARNIA!

EVERYONE BUT DEMETER: What?

DEMETER: Never mind. Roll out.


End file.
